Every time this time of the semester rolls around, I feel an overwhelming sense of confusion! A thousand emotions hit me at full-speed and leave me reeling! It's that time again..the end of another school year...already from freshman to sophomore to junior! I have no idea how this happened or when..i just know that it's happening way too fast and I really need to pause and take a breather. I need time...time to think, time to feel, time to experience and enjoy my years as a student. I'm not ready to step into the "big, bad world"...how do you really know when you are? But that's not why I'm confused...not why I'm so overwhelmed...it's the impossible sense of loss and sadness that grips me that is most confusing! Why do I feel this way? It's just the end of another year...there's 2 more to go and yet...every time I sit back in my chair and reflect on the last 2 years...the excitement, the exhilaration, the fun, the joy, the laughter, the winning, the celebrating and the friendships...I feel an inexplicable sense of pain. This year more so than before. I think it's because the end of this year marks the end of being babied...of having everything laid out for me...next year I spend a semester abroad and when I come back...everything will have changed...no more "adda" in the Jewett lobby, heck! no more Jewett at all! Off-campus, living our own lives...away from the madness of campus life...it's going to be so different...so strange. Packing your entire life into boxes and suitcases makes you realize how dispensable everything is. Shows you how everything can change in a matter of seconds...the once bedecked walls of my room, now lie bare and stark. The messy room lies in ghostly silence...in 4 days I fly home...home is happiness...that warm, snuggly feeling in the pit of my stomach...and yet this sense of absence and change and solitude looms large in the back of my mind. For, when I come back...everything will be different...everything will have changed and moved on...people will have changed...people may have forgotten...I think my biggest fear lies in being forgotten. I always want to know I've touched peoples' lives the same way they always touch mine. It's a strange feeling...it's impossible to explain...happy yet sad, accomplished yet afraid, surrounded by friends yet lonely, moving yet stagnant. To all my friends, I just want to say...you make my life brighter, better and happier...I love having you around...to talk to, to annoy, to fight with, to party with, to love, to complain to and to just be there for you...I hope nothing changes even though I know, a lot will...to Spring 2011!
