When things seem perfect and everything's alright, why do I go out of my way to mess it up? ALWAYS! When I have someone who loves me, why do I put it at stake for something fleeting, something inconsequential? Why do I create trouble for those around me? Why do I do that? Why do I do that? Bad decisions...all the time...!! And then I get stuck...stuck on him, stuck on her...stuck on friendships that bring nothing but despair and torment...every single day. Do I let people use me? Only if I care enough...but is that right? Should it happen? Should I do it??? WHY?!?!??!!?!??!?! I can't stop thinking about this...it's tearing me up..what if I'm the cause??? What if I'm the instrument??? What if I'm THAT person?!?!!??!?! How do I get over it? Why can't I leave emotions by the wayside?!?!?!? People are important but they aren't EVERYTHING! I'm perfectly alright...by myself..I want nothing...I need nothing but everybody needs something...isn't that true??? Who did this? Only one word comes to mind...'ME'. What's going on with me? Why can't I deal with life? How can I feel this way???? Is that guilt I see..crawling in through the back door? Who left that door open? When is it right for certain people to do certain things and when does it become wrong? The constant dilemma...the desperate need for hope...why make yourself needy?!?!?!? Where is the strength???? What's going on?!?!?!?!? There are bigger things to concentrate on...look at the big picture...deal with it on your own...nobody to talk to...so empty inside...torture....despair...misfortune....life's wheel keeps turning...someday it will stop...and we can evaluate then...until then...MOVE ON!
