Him 'n' Her...Again...

She moved on. At least, she said and showed that she’d moved on. She decided to be strong. To show the world that none of it had affected her. That even without him, she was as happy and as strong as before. She knew she’d love again. And she did. Sooner than she’d expected, she loved another. At first it was awkward. They were close but he wasn’t Him. He was different. But he was strong, sensitive, artistic, athletic and wonderful. Everything, she thought she wanted in a man. She knew He was never coming back and threw herself into the new relationship. She was wildly in love, ready to give up everything in return for a smile or a sigh of adoration. She looked for his approval in everything and gave up most of what he disapproved. She gave up her friends, her independence, her desires and even her dreams of having a career. All she knew was that she loved him and she wanted him to love her the same way. She was willing to give up her life in return for his trust. She did things she could not imagine doing otherwise and ignored the other people around her. She didn’t care about friends or family if it meant she would lose him. She wanted him, only him and everything else seemed unimportant. She gave up her selfish ways and devoted herself to him. She changed her worldly ways and listened to him like a meek child. She gave herself to him completely and he loved her for who he’d made her. But it was a façade, a role play. That wasn’t who she really was. She was more than that and slowly it crept up on her. She felt stifled and lonely. Most of her friends had turned against her and he had never trusted her. Her every move was scrutinized and disapproved while his flaws were ignored. But she was madly in love. The kind of love that asked no questions and never wondered why but she could feel it irking her. He was not who he seemed to be. He did not think twice before hurting her, both physically and emotionally. He scarred her in a way that no lover could and she took it because she loved him and all she wanted was his trust. Then suddenly one day, He came back to her. Like an angel, he seemed to raise her from the depths of despair. His return was dramatic. He brought with him an insecurity that grew within her. She wasn’t so sure of this relationship anymore. The bonds began to dissolve. He had always drifted and now she could feel that another love was unreal. It was wild and existed in fairy tales and fantasies but in reality, steadfast security and unconditional love were the things she desired most and He gave her both unlike him. She knew the only thing to do was ask forgiveness and move away from the new love. She didn’t know how and she didn’t know when but she knew it had to be done. After many drunken debates and lonely days, her aching heart broke off the relationship. She had destroyed faith yet again and she’d broken another heart but she knew this could only do him good because she could never give him exactly what he wanted. And Him and Her were united once more. She was happy. She felt light headed and floated around for a while. She knew she needed the security, warmth, compassion, kindness and above all, LOVE that He had for her. She knew this was the way it was meant to be…

Him 'n' Her

Since the first time she met him, she knew they were different. She expected nothing of him and he, in return, expected nothing of her. They spent hours and hours on the phone, talking about insanely nonsensical things. Every moment with him passed by too quickly and she barely had time to savour these moments. Life continued and their friendship grew. She nearly forgot about their differences. There were, of course, moments that served as rude reminders but the rest of the time was pure bliss. Their's was a unique relationship. Much talked about and rarely understood. They weren't the best of friends but, in fact, so much more. They grew up together and loved each other intensely. Again an emotion that was highly misunderstood by all those around them. They had their share of quarrels and squabbles, tears and anger but, i guess, that's what made them complete. A few months into their friendship, they realised, how little they knew of one another. Yet ignorance was bliss. Unspoken promises sealed their friendship. Each knew the other was always there to help. She was extremely self-absorbed and obsessed with herself. He was always obsessed with everything that was his life. They fought and made up, laughed and cried(actually, she did most of the crying) and spent many long hours trying to figure each other out. Very soon she began taking him for granted, like we do many things in life. She ignored his pleas for help and turned a deaf ear to his calls....Then came the day when he simply walked out of her life. One moment he was right beside her, trying to call her, and the next.....he was gone. She couldntremember why it happened. She didnt know when. She tried to deal with it but she couldnt. She didnt know how to react. She spent a long time looking for him. She searched in every nook and crany. She scoured the earth, heaven and hell. He was nowhere to be found. He had disappeared. He had come to her like an angel and disappeared when he thought she didnt need him. The truth is...she needed him now more than ever before...........but as life would have it....she had to sow what she had reaped...

Hope...

Hope this friendship lasts forever...

Love Songs...

Love songs are strange...sometimes they mean everything and sometimes they mean nothing...but for every moment I'm in love, every person I love...there is a song...a happy song, a sad song, a love song...but what song can describe love??is it a feeling shared by 2 people a feeling shared among siblings...or between parent and child...or is it a universal peace...shared by the human race?? songs make me feel love...realize how lucky and loved I am...each song draws out a face...each word draws out a memory...each note draws out a relationship...some good...some bad...people I want to forget and those that I want to remember forever...some songs meaningful in being meaningless...some unrelated but deeply related...unnecessarily emotional...bringing me to tears or lighting a smile...so many songs...so many lyrics and each with its unique people and experiences...if music be the food of love, play on...play on...play on...

What Goes On...?

There are times when memories and past events seem so distant and yet others when hot tears spring to my eyes at the thought of even the most insignificant event...as I turned 18 a few days ago, a thought loomed large in the dark recesses of my mind...my childhood has been everything I could have asked for then why does the future seem so bleak?? I've heard people say that a healthy childhood secures a healthy future, then why do I feel like I'm about to jump off a cliff and plummet into a black hole? I don't know where my life's headed or where I want to go...I'm confused about my feelings...I can feel my confusion...the candle that had illuminated the path ahead for 18yrs seems to have suddenly turned rebellious and gone out...what do I really want from my life?? I know I want to be creative but sometimes I find it very hard...I want to hold on to the familiar ever so tightly but the strangeness ahead beckons me...I want to smell the smells of bygone days but these aromas elude me...I want to hear familiarity speak but only the unfamiliar entices me...I'm a confused soul looking for meaning...in relationships, in sorrow, in parting, in tears, in rebellion, in faith, in memories, in life itself...who controls me? who will light the way when I'm far from security? Will I finally come into my own and mould my life as i will? so many questions fogging my brain...and the answers...refusing to surface from amid the turmoil...