In Life...

In life, we face many crossroads
And as time draws the curtains on college,
We are faced with one of many
From this moment, we know
That friends will grow distant and careers
Will grow omnipresent and yet,
I hold that flicker of hope in my heart
That some day, somewhere, some how,
We will all find time for each other
The departed and the present
We will all come together and rejoice,
Celebrate what has become of our lives

But, for now, we must wait
Wait for life to take its course
For things to happen...both good and bad
To fall in love and out, to find happiness
And drive out darkness
Nobody can deny that life is made
Of both good and bad
And now, on the threshold of a new journey,
We must embrace both sides
We must recognize their presence and
Hope that the former far outshines the latter

We will close our hearts to friends and foes
Bury our heads in work and careers
And yet, somewhere, in some bone in our bodies
We will feel the need to unite with those we love
To confide in those that understand
And to hold close those that matter the most
At these times, I will close my eyes and think
Of all those beautiful moments spent...
Laughing, crying, joking, loving, dancing, drinking...
With all of you...

To the distant future which might find us together again,
I bid you come quickly
We must not tarry in our worldly ways....

Pujo...

Why Do I Do That?

When things seem perfect and everything's alright, why do I go out of my way to mess it up? ALWAYS! When I have someone who loves me, why do I put it at stake for something fleeting, something inconsequential? Why do I create trouble for those around me? Why do I do that? Why do I do that? Bad decisions...all the time...!! And then I get stuck...stuck on him, stuck on her...stuck on friendships that bring nothing but despair and torment...every single day. Do I let people use me? Only if I care enough...but is that right? Should it happen? Should I do it??? WHY?!?!??!!?!??!?! I can't stop thinking about this...it's tearing me up..what if I'm the cause??? What if I'm the instrument??? What if I'm THAT person?!?!!??!?! How do I get over it? Why can't I leave emotions by the wayside?!?!?!? People are important but they aren't EVERYTHING! I'm perfectly alright...by myself..I want nothing...I need nothing but everybody needs something...isn't that true??? Who did this? Only one word comes to mind...'ME'. What's going on with me? Why can't I deal with life? How can I feel this way???? Is that guilt I see..crawling in through the back door? Who left that door open? When is it right for certain people to do certain things and when does it become wrong? The constant dilemma...the desperate need for hope...why make yourself needy?!?!?!? Where is the strength???? What's going on?!?!?!?!? There are bigger things to concentrate on...look at the big picture...deal with it on your own...nobody to talk to...so empty inside...torture....despair...misfortune....life's wheel keeps turning...someday it will stop...and we can evaluate then...until then...MOVE ON!

The Durga Pujo Blues

Every Bengali’s favorite time of the year is fast approaching as I stand at the end of my vacation. What used to blow in as the most anticipated month of the year has now turned sour. What a Bangali wouldn’t do to come home to Kolkata for Pujo! 2yrs without Pujo and I’m already a chain sulker during this time of the year. The colorful images that my mind paints of the fun I COULD have if I stayed in Kolkata far exceed reality but everything seems dreamlike and extravagant in retrospect.

Kolkata lights up during Pujo, both figuratively and literally. Not a corner remains unoccupied for a majority of the day and the night! It is, perhaps, the only time of year that we, lazy, Bangalis defy our natural instincts and become wanderers of the night. Different people celebrate differently but the one thing that one can be assured of is the excesses of the Pujo days. The excesses begin after the early morning shower.

For the more fortunate, a bag of new clothes is emptied on the bed and the trials begin. Most of us have at least one new outfit for every important day of the Pujo, if not two. Once the clothes have been decided upon, we move on to the next excess on the agenda – food! Once the quintessential Bangali begins his/her quest for the best puchkas or the best mishtis or even the best bhog, one can rest assured that the journey is long and tedious.

The third excess comes soon after – pandal hopping. Most Bangalis hope to cover at least a quarter of the city’s pandals every day. This conquest is not taken lightly. Either by foot or in cars, we set out in search of the city’s brightest and best. Some of us have the added advantage of being part of an in crowd that travels the city judging these pandals to declare winners. And these lucky few enjoy the luxuries of VIP treatment in the most jam packed pandals. Some of the perks include samplings of food, being jumped to the front of the line, being personally showed around by the organizers and so on and so forth. Fortunately for me, ma has excellent connections and for the last 5-6yrs, I have availed of all of these comforts and enjoyed them thoroughly!

Moving on to the fourth excess ingrained in every Bangali’s blood – adda. No matter the time, Maddox Square, Triangular Park, Mohammad Ali Park and several other popular locations in Calcutta become the hot spot for friends of all ages. From 8-80, nobody is spared the wonderful atmosphere of ‘pujor adda’. School children meet to enjoy the candy floss or the rides or even the junk food. Teenagers and the 20somethings gather in these areas to listen to or play music and to get extremely inebriated. Middle-aged women gather to gossip and complain about afore mentioned young people. Elderly gentlemen gather with gusto to talk about the old days and complain about their children or ill health. At any point in the day, you can rest assured, these locations WILL be PACKED!

Bangalis and their excesses, while extreme can also be very endearing. I would not trade anything in the WORLD to be born into any other community! Us Bangalis, we may be lazy and we may love the British lifestyle but when it comes down to the bare essentials, we are simply fun-loving, luxury-craving connoisseurs of food who will do anything in their power to have a good time!

Every year during Pujo, I suffer severe withdrawal. Pujo is definitely a drug, we Bangalis thrive on and without that drug, we feel lost and helpless and vulnerable because no matter where you go or who you become, that part of you never dies. For any Bangali who has not been in Kolkata during Pujo, put it on your bucket list! There is NOTHING quite like it! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

This year I will probably attend Pujo in London and I will observe the Bangalis outside their natural habitat and when I have, I will definitely write about it so the world is a little better informed regarding this subject! Until then…xoxo

A Day Like Today

You have those days when you just feel like crap and everyone around you treats you like shit too. It begins when you wake up in the morning and realize that the toilet paper ran out the day before and you forgot to buy more or when the toast gets burnt and the coffee’s too bitter. And when that happens, you just know what kind of day it’s going to be. And no matter how hard the people around you try, they just end up disappointing you more and more.

Sometimes it happens to you once a month, if you’re lucky, once a year but sometimes you just begin to feel like that every single day, every waking moment and even every moment you spend asleep and when that happens, you just know your life is ROYALLY FUCKED and you’re just happy to find a single moment of solitude when you can soak in the disaster that is...your pathetic life…

Today was one of those days. It began well enough, no burnt toast but the alarm conveniently forgot to go off putting me behind by an hour and a half before my day had even started. Work was…well…work was work, impossible, inconceivable, incorrigible, unpleasant and cold as ice. And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse…BAM! It did.

It was a rough day and a day like today should come once in a millennia but...I'll just have to wait and see what tomorrow has in store...